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FFVIII: Queen of Souls sequel





0
 10.03.2012 6:54pm
Thread Creator

Soul Hunter
Ambitious but rubbish
Administrator



If you think you'd gotten rid of me after all these years, think again :D

It's Quisty's birthday in these parts, and I happen to have a new piece which happens to be connected to the controversial QOS.  This is a one-shot I wrote a while ago, and there's never a better time to share it with all you Quistis-loving FFO denizen than today.  Cheers!
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Loving Someone You Know You’ll Lose In The End
(One-shot sequel to Queen of Souls)
 
“Let me be the last you’ll ever see… and the first to cry for you…”

I remember saying those words to you that day I went to your place at Dollet.  And to be honest, despite leading a life that puts me in mortal danger about twice a week, telling you that was perhaps the bravest thing I have ever done.  Ever.

And if it hadn’t been for you, I doubt I’d have ever been brave enough.

I still have the letter your wrote.  I still read it everyday…

“I was still involved with someone else when I first saw you.  Nevertheless, that didn’t keep me from beholding the person that you are, who stands head and shoulders above everyone else I’ve met.  I thought to myself, if ever we got the opportunity to be friends, you’d probably become one of the best friends I ever had.

“Friends.  That’s the farthest I allowed myself to see us as.  Because I know we could never, ever be more than that, due mostly to an undeniable declaration of fate that simply states you can’t be around forever.

“Was I glad for loving you the way I did?  No.  It had been a curse, knowing that you can’t stay.  I tried to fight it at first, but I didn’t expect to face an adversary more formidable than anyone or anything I faced in my long years as a warrior of the unknown king: my own heart.  You were there, right before me.  And each time I look at you was like seeing the resplendent beauty of all creation.  So I thought to myself, how could God have been so cruel as to let me cross paths with the one person in the universe my heart must refuse but was utterly powerless against?

“A wise man once told me that ‘A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.’  I wished he hadn’t, because it only reminded me that despite my acclaim as a great warrior, in my core I have always been a coward.  It was something I realize whenever my hands shook in fear of what is to come next: seeing you disappear from my life.  So I fought.  I struggled against this burgeoning feeling.  It was the first time I fought bravely because I was a coward.

“It was the first time I fought a battle I had no chance of winning.

“Inevitably, I gave up fighting.  Helpless, all I ended up doing was asking: ‘Can I love someone I know I’ll lose in the end?’

“I know it’s going to be brutal.  But I had no choice but to steel myself and say ‘Yes…’

“Because I love you more than anything else in this world…

“So I chose to be brave.  Brave and foolish.  I chose to pursue the pointless… simply because I love you too damn much…”

It’s strange, because sometimes I want to hate you for loving me the way you did.  And I want to hate myself for loving you the way I do.
You were right about foolish.  You’ve known from the start that I won’t be able to stay… you know that I’m destined to die in that battle we fought against the soul-reaper.

And yet you still loved me… setting yourself up for the kind of suffering I thought I can never be brave enough to face…

I love you… with all my heart.  And so I decided that whatever adversities life had set our way, I will spare you from that suffering.  I will survive.  To hell with that unknown king’s prophecy.

So I did.  I’m here now.

And you’re not.

I hate you for that.

If I’d known that you were terminally ill, I wouldn’t have come within ten miles of you.  If I’d known that you NEVER intended to stay, I would never have responded to any of those times you called.  I would never have allowed you into my life from the beginning.

… …

No, that was a lie.  I’d still have loved you regardless…

So I, too, ended up asking myself, “Can you love someone you know you’ll lose in the end?”

Yes.

Because when you were here, I was undeniably happy.  When you were here, my life had nothing more to ask for.  It was painfully short-lived, yes.  And like you, I was terrified out of my mind of even considering being with you knowing that at any time everything can – and will – end.  But you taught me to be brave when you loved me despite knowing I can’t stay.  You taught me that Love is worth all the fear, all the pain and all the suffering.

Now you’re gone.  And I hate you for that.

But I love you more for spending your remaining days with me.  I love you more for giving me a life that, though not destined to last, is the life that I’ve always wanted and hoped for.

I love you more… for just being you…

Right now, I’m heartbroken and in anguish.  I miss you like crazy every single day since you left…

But that’s all right.  To be perfectly honest, if I ever get the chance to do it all again, to have you again in my life knowing I’d soon lose you again, I’d say Yes in a heart beat.

“Let me be the last you’ll ever see… and the first to cry for you…”

I’d gladly do it all over again.

I’m moving on now, Jo.  I’m going to try despite this big hole in my heart.  There’s no telling what the future will bring.  I might meet someone new, or I might live the rest of my life in solitude.  I’m both sad and hopeful.  Sad because you’re no longer here, but hopeful because of that one other thing you taught me: that no matter how dark and empty our lives may be, happiness is sure to come one way or another.  All we need to do is wait patiently.  You proved that when you came and filled my empty life.  You may no longer be around anymore, but the fact that you were is a promise that another one is sure to come.

Whatever happens, though, one thing will never change…

I will always love you..

The Queen of your Heart,
Quisty 


 




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0
 10.08.2012 2:45pm


Zoom7000
The Ankle Breaker

I guess it's not as bad as Chapter 13! :P




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0
 10.08.2012 6:38pm
Thread Creator

Soul Hunter
Ambitious but rubbish
Administrator



You mean 12 :)




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0
 10.17.2012 11:07pm


Zoom7000
The Ankle Breaker

I just knew I'd get the chapter wrong! :P




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