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Mass Effect: "On Driving"

 10.11.2011 9:07am
Thread Creator

Southern Comfort
silently judging all of you

Chief Petty Officer Ashley Williams:  "I don't like to talk bad about my CO.  But Shepard?  Can't drive. At all.  I've seen raw privates who could handle a Mako better than the Skipper."

Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko: "The worst part is how enthusiastic she is.  We've offered to drive the Mako on multiple occasions, but the Commander turns us down.  All we can do is buckle up and find a handhold and hang on.  I thought my migranes couldn't get any worse.  I was wrong."

Garrus Vakarian, C-Sec Investigation:  "The Mako is tough.  Human engineers really know their stuff.  But, every landing, I have to replace something, usually structural.  I'm lucky if it's just shock absorbers."

Urdnot Wrex:  "Shepard isn't afraid of anything.  She's fun.  Remember that time we drove off the side of a mountain?"

Liara T'Soni:  "Goddess, I have never been so terrified as that time we drove off a mountain.  I screamed the whole way down."

Garrus Vakarian:  "She listens to something humans call "rock", *fingerquotes* "music" *fingerquotes* with harsh, loud percussion.  It could be worse, I could be forced to sit through an Elcor opera, but this stuff is pretty bad.  And the worst part, she likes to keep the time with taps on the jumpjet stick.

Tali'Zorah nar Rayya:  "Do you know how difficult it is to clean vomit out of this helmet?  I had to live with the smell for weeks!"

Captain David Anderson, Ret.:  "Unofficial policy at the Utopia Planitia testing grounds is to provide Shepard's post with the final prototype of any ground vehicles in testing.  If there is anything that can be broken, Shepard will break it.  The policy seems to have served the Alliance well."

Captain Hannah Shepard:  "Her father taught her how to drive, rest his soul.  I'm very proud of my daughter and all she's accomplished.  However, a large part of the reason we both pushed her to attend the Academy was so we wouldn't have to keep paying for her driving tickets."

Lieutenant Jeff Moreau:  "I've read her record.  No.  Hell no.  I'll never ride in anything she's driving.  I'll resign my commission first."


Miranda lowered the datapad, and stared over the top into the cyborg eyes of the Illusive Man.

"Shuttles," they said together.

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 12.12.2011 10:49am

wiu wiu wiu

haha! that got a few chuckles out of me :D good one!

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 01.24.2012 2:26am

Soul Hunter
Ambitious but rubbish

I haven't played any Mass Effect game to date.  But thanks for making me like Shepard :D

(good to see you back in the fanfic grind, SC)

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 03.16.2013 4:28pm

still known as TacomaSquall

Hey, quit talking about my driving!  :D

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 03.17.2013 11:13am



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